Most of us are familiar with the pain of a loved one’s death, and the importance of a network of supportive friends and family during the difficult days up to and after. Nicole Bruder, the administrative at St. David’s United Church in Woodstock, partnered with the church and used an Embracing the Spirit grant she received last year to found
The Caring Hearts and Support Network in January. Joanne Stienstra, is a long-time friend who joined her on the project soon after. Together, with the help of a few volunteers, they operate a ministry for those who are grieving the death or impending death of a loved one. Nicole and Joanne took some out of their busy Holy Week to talk with EDGE’s Sarah Levis about their work and its importance to their community.
Nicole created The Caring Hearts and Support Network to honour her late husband, Brad. She knew that her passion for the hospice work that she and Brad had done together, coupled with the life experience she’d gained on her journey through his illness and death, put her in a unique position to be of support to people in similar situations who might not know how to access the resources they need or the best questions to ask.
Nicole’s support can begin early after an individual learns that they’re seriously ill or dying, to give them and their loved ones and caregivers information and assistance they need in an emotionally overwhelming time to:
- Understand options, and what to expect from the dying process
- Fill out advance directive forms
- Navigate family conferences
- Access community resources, including short term respite for caregivers
- Plan the death vigil
- Organize legacy work
The Caring Support Network does not offer medical advice, provide personal care, administer medication, or make decisions, but supports family and caregivers to get what they need to do these things, based on well-informed decisions.
Continuity of care is a vital part of the service. After the individual’s death, Joanne uses her background in hospice care and lived experience with her own cancer journey to offer support to grieving loved ones those left behind. Opportunities for this sort of care include:
- Individualized
- Support groups
- Social events– monthly meals, coffee times - that help build community among grieving individual
- A combination of these.
Joanne and Nicole find that people appreciate the support of their familiar faces all the way through their grieving process and are happy to offer that continuum of service to the people with whom they work.
They are surprised at the amount of positive community support their initiative has generated after such a short time in operation. They tell the story of a recent education session about estate planning by a local lawyer that brought 96 people out to St. David’s United Church, some of whom indicated that they attended specifically to show support their support for the Network and its activities. They are excited to keep providing support the way that they have, but to also use education and opportunities for discussion to increase awareness of the importance of talking about death and being prepared for it.
“We just want to educate our community,” Nicole said to Sarah. “Educate anyone who comes our way, give people a safe space to express their emotions, their feelings, and to know that they’re validated. That whatever your grief it, it’s normal. Because we’re all unique.”
It’s such an important point. The Caring Hearts and Support Network models a realistic approach to death in a society that likes to pretend that we’re all going to live forever. It’s much healthier to discuss death and what makes a “good death” for each of us, and to let ourselves fully grieve the loss of our loved ones when they die, than it is to bury our fears and anxieties about a natural part of life. We don’t want to let fear of dying keep us from living a life that we love.
The Caring Hearts and Support Network already has exciting plans for workshops in the future, with support from organizations such as the Ontario Health Team. Be sure to
visit their website and
follow them on Facebook for updates!
Thank you, Nicole and Joanne, for opening this topic and helping people to get what they need!
Watch Nicole and Joanne’s full EDGEy conversation on YouTube with Sarah Levis.
[Image credit: Canva]
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