On Getting the Message Right
Many years ago, a good friend stopped by my office to say hello. He’d recently lost his spouse after some fifty years of marriage and this was our first visit since the funeral. He said to me, “People keep telling me that I will get over this.” He furrowed his brow and continued, “That makes me angry. I don’t want to get over it. The pain I’m experiencing reminds me of how much I love her.”
Emotions on the ground here seem similarly complex. Consider, for example, an accumulation of downed trees on Welch Field as town staff clear roads and other areas of Montreat. The pile has grown to two stories high in places and covers the entire infield and a good portion of the outfield as well. You can monitor the growth of storm debris as a reminder of reopened roads and appreciation for the hard work it took to clear them; at the same time, your neighbor may come upon the same scene and weep.
How do you strike the right tone while surrounded by both the continuing reality of Helene’s devastation and ongoing signs of progress and hope? One realizes that “the right tone” is variable and highly dependent on individual perspective and experience; some ears are more attuned to frequencies of recovery while others are still hearing tones of grief – sometimes, profound grief.
Because Montreat and its institutions were spared the worst of Helene’s effects, for several weeks now the conference center’s priority has been restoring our capacity to resume normal programming, and we are excited at the prospect of hosting conferences and events once again in January. That shouldn’t be taken to mean, however, that come January, Helene will be behind us. Buildings will continue to undergo repairs for the next several months. The landscape will need several years to recover. For the people impacted, the emerging timeline of recovery promises to be an individual matter, less linear, and even less predictable.
My friend never got over the loss of his wife, but his friends and family did eventually give him the space to get through it, at a pace he could manage and to a place that he could appreciate. As we move forward over the next several years, we are going to have to make space in the same way. It’s going to take some work, it’s going to take some help, and it’s going to take some time, but we will get there. While we work diligently and with all sustainable speed, let’s be patient with each other. |
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